They Are To Love

I smiled as my hand reached out to touch his little hand on the window pane. His little sister joined in play too. I turned to my husband and said, "They are to love. They are so adorable".

We are celebrating my birthday a few days early,  which falls on August the fifth. We found a trendy and tasty little spot in San Francisco that not only accommodates dogs seated outdoors, but pays their waitstaff a living wage with  full benefits, paid leave, a 401K plan, so there's  no tipping necessary. The service, the server, and the Eggs Florentine were sublime, as was the perfectly toasted gluten free bread, and crispy bacon. And the kids that were seated on the other side of the window were an icing on the proverbial cake. And they even  liked waving their little hands at Leo, our elderly, sightless  and tender two-toothed poodle mix.

I said to my husband, 'Wouldn't it be great if it were so easy to feel an outpouring of love to everyone all of the time?"

While this is the goal, this is also the challenge.

We are most often challenged by ourselves. Well, at least I am. I have been working on changing to recover  this default setting.   One thing that I hear often in the mindfulness community is that everyone has ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows. Across the spectrum of age, health, and culture, and socio-economic status. This helps when my intention is to send blessings  to another person that I may feel challenged by. It also helps to realize that when I'm challenged by difficult emotions, namely anxiety, this can be difficult for others, too.

In a post a few days back, I shared the "Metta Blessings", both recorded and printed.  These are like a soothing balm to your soul. These are also more challenging to give to yourself on certain days, or certain moments when things get swirly in the worst possible way. This is when I try to press "PAUSE" on my thoughts and just draw a few slow deep breaths, and exhale slowly.

It can help to visualize a younger version of yourself, or even a beloved pet, when you begin to practice wishing someone well. It's just a lot easier sometimes.  Then, with practice you can build up to more and more challenging beings..

By more challenging, I mean of course people that are more often easily angered, triggered threatened, and more mentally unwell, more often, or at the least provocation.

Of course, we can all dip into these dark places, and trances in our minds.  With practice, we can come into the present more often.  When we come across these folks we're challenged by in our communities,  at work, in crowds or traffic, it helps to remember that we are part of the crowd, and the traffic, too.

Here are a few adorable beings to love and practice blessing...from days gone by. Feel free to find photos of yourself and hold them to your heart, or just imagine in your mind's eye.

Happy karmic forces passing through my fingertips

Watermelon nourishing my tiny self..in honor of watermelon day (TODAY!)

Favorite pastime loving up (or Chootchie Mootchi'ing) my baby brutha

With Cousin Stacey at our Grandparent's 

This is my mom when she was tiny little Audrey...

We are all to love, and sometimes this is not always easy. Our negative karmic forces that span the ages can haunt us, making it ever so hard to be with anyone, let alone with ourselves. On the spectrum of mental wellness/illness, my mother has swung sometimes  unpredictably toward mental illness and often out of her control. As a child,  it could be  both petrifying to be with her, but sometimes delightful and loving.   We never quite knew which side of mommy was going to show up.

The following is a talk and guided meditation by Tara Brach on generational trauma, recognizing the patterns and on  building your own strong emotional core.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR-DN7JYSLo



 Now, as we continue to age, I continue to try to reach out to her in love, to the extent that I am able. She often feels like she doesn't deserve it, and says so. We try,  to release the tense grip this default pattern or swirl  holds on her with humor, Or sometimes just step completely out of her way.   Humor can sometimes ease the tension, and when she dissolve in giggles,  it  can be such a relief and a delight. Other times we  may hold space on the phone while gently guiding the conversation to sunny shores.

It will be my intention to share more as this writing unfolds, in order to shed light in a dark place for many on the karmic spectrum of wellness.

In Bali, we would often have conversations about "Karma". That spirits of all kinds pass through us everyday, and to be ready to roll with the feelings. No stranger to such conversation,  we are visited by Jiwa, where we stayed at his family compound. Here he speaks, as well as the rooster crowing, about positive karma.